Ramadhan Mubarak 1423 H!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

We stop a moment on the recap about Bangkok. I would continue it when I am free may Allah permits it. I would like to wish my dearly faithful brothers and sisters in faith regardless lines, sunni or shiite, Ramadhan Mubarak. We are thankful to Allah for prolonging our life to see this blessed month again in this year, it is through His Grace and Mercy that we could reach this month.

May everyone have a blessed Ramadhan which begins with His Mercy, continued with His Forgiveness, and ends with Liberation from the torment and His salvation over every faithful servant. I just went to the mosque in USM because it is close to my hostel and we prayed only 11 raka'ats while other kind of prayers could be performed while we are alone or after we sleep for a while. 

It is quite lively at the mosque and I love to see everyone greeting each other although I know no one in the mosque no more. People coming in and out year by year. People are reciting holy verses after Taraweekh prayers, it is a relieve to hear holy verses recited by brothers. May we have good experience this Ramadhan and learn as many things as we can in order to see Him :)

Salawat for prophet Muhammad s.a.w: Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad, wa 'ala aali Muhammad, ka-maa sallaita 'ala Ibrahim wa 'ala aali Ibrahim. Allahumma baarik 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad, ka-maa baarak-ta 'alaa aali Ibrahim wa 'ala aali Ibrahim. 

Allah please be in contact with our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family, as You had been in contact with our patriarch Abraham and his family. Dear Allah, please bless our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family as You had blessed our patriarch Abraham and his family. May we be blessed and may Allah forgives our sins this whole year, aamin!

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for dearly brothers and sisters, I equally love all of my brothers and sisters!

Recap: In Bangkok, I had no idea about it at all!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

continue...

Before we could see proper Bangkok, we could also see uneven underdevelopment and development around Dusit area. I read about Dusit too while doing some research and planning the trip, but I don't know how to return to the area after I reached Bangkok Hualampong station. 

In simple word, pembangunan tak sekata at suburban area... Houses like setinggan along the railway and the roof of people's houses even scrapped the train's window, lol! The train stopped at few minor stations too and there are people selling food like fruits, coffee, and kueh coming in and out the train. Out of the window, I saw people sleeping, having meals, and sitting on newspaper spread over the floor along the rail way side. I saw a monk having his meal on a newspaper under trees too, funny... ahaha.

It reaches Hualampong Station in Bangkok around 12:00 mid day. I just proceed to the information counter and getting the map for the city because I was totally clueless. It is my first time there anyway. And I have to pay 50 bhat for the map. Then I just said to the lady at the counter, "fiuhhhhh, thamrai pud thai nyuung maaaq neee ur." (I can't really speak proper Thai, so difficult!). She just chuckled at my face. 

A canal not far from Hualampong Station.

The couple from Mauritius had approached a travel agent at the station, but I avoided them because I am on tight budget and, alone... I think for a moment and begin to realize that I need to perform Dzuhr prayer so I went up at the left side of the information counter. They have a musalla up there for Muslim and there I met few Muslims waiting for Dzuhr. I didn't notice that there is an automatic clock showing the prayer times. So I asked an uncle in Malay but he thought that I am a Thai so I just talk to him in Thai. 

I felt quite weird because we are from neighboring states, where they perhaps come from Pattani, Yalor (Yala), Naro, or Senggoro (Songkhla) who supposedly to talk in Tani Malay. I regret I didn't take the picture at the musalla, it looks classic with Jawi Malay written in Thai sounding Malay with alphabet ha at a vowels. Then we performed Dzuhr prayer jama' with 'Asr because everyone are in travel. Jama' is a simplified prayer where we combine two prayer times into one. There is a specific topic about this.

Streets sign, and I was actually at China Town area while snapping this.

After the prayer, I began to walk out of the station and thinking on the next step. What should I do in a city I had never been before and it is a foreign city. I have no slightest idea about the city. Should I also change my SIM card by buying a new pack for Thai number? But I am not sure how many days I would be there and my budget is quite limited. It would be different if I work or live there. I just bought some water from a convenient store which costs me around 10 bhat. They also have grilled pork in the convenient store. Never thought that it would be sold... openly but that is Thailand, haha.

 Wat Traimitr, Yaowarat. Non Thai have to pay entrance fee to enter the temple maintenance but it is free for locals.

Then I walked and looking around Hualampong Station. I could see Yaowarat which is their China Town. I saw Wat Traimitr and walked in because I didn't know what to do. Then I walked out after noticing that they demanded non-Thai to pay the entrance fee when looking around the temple complex. I didn't intend to look around the temple complex or any places yet since I didn't have any accommodation. The first thing that I should do is to get some rice because I was so hungry and I ate just scarcely after buying those expansive loaves of bread in Padang Besar.     

Wat Traimitr temple complex from a chinese hardware shop.

Then I made up my mind to return to Hualampong station but I don't want to take the bus because I don't know the roads or areas in Bangkok yet. It would be dangerous if we don't know where we are about to bound and not all of the people are well-versed with the city because we are also like that here, ha ha ha. I decided to take Metro Rail Transit Authority and I choose to go to Silom after I checked my notebook and that is the only area that I had read about before which fit the destination stated at the computer. Silom is the area where red shirts protesting for Mr. Thaksin Shinawatra to be returned to Prime Minister's seat.

 On my way to MRT station.

They have security check where people have to go through scanner and also checking the bag and I am giving full cooperation to this because I know that it is for people's benefit. It is a bit fussy but I think that is good to ensure the security and tourists would feel safe.  But the guard refused to check my bag as I approached him trying to open up my own bag for him to check.

The guards who checked my bag or people in the underground train station are quite friendly and they treated me nicely. So, please don't worry if our brothers and sisters wanted to visit the city. I paid 30 bhat for Silom road in the machine and it gave me a coin to be touched at the gate. 

to be continued...

Recap: In the Way to Hualampong Station

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

continue...

I personally think that it is always good to follow sunnah (but betel leaves is not mentioned anywhere in hadiths nor Quran at least till what I am reading right now). However we must also trying to adapt with the situation. We are out of our boundary so it is better to be careful in our attitude and it's worth to comply within local customs or being polite. The samseng Thai attendant (not uncle Sumant) had asked the ticket again from the Tabligh guy and the Tabligh showing it with sign language that his ticket had already been checked. 

Then the attendant asked me what was that guy saying. I just said, I don't know him and I don't understand what he is saying. He's not my country man. That guy then asked the Tabligh guy to give 100 bhat (RM10) to him or he would report him to the police. Then the guy refused and showed him the ticket. The samseng attendant showed his wai (sembah) and left to another coach. I guess, he might be teasing the Tabligh guy. Maybe dia menyampah ke tengok orang tu macam berlagak, jeling-jeling orang. I felt annoyed too with that Bangladeshi guy's sharp glance.

Around 20:15 Thai time, we arrived at Hadyaai Junction and the Tabligh guy went down at this point. At 20:27, uncle Sumant wearing his white uniform began to help passengers opening up the bed. My bed was the lower bed beside Thai old lady.

I decided to sleep earlier because nothing to see in the dark. I had informed mum about the trip when we stopped at Perlis but she didn't believe me, hehehee. However, when she heard that I am telling her in serious tone only she believes me. Just want to get her blessing and want her to know where I am so it would be easy for them to track me if I have problem in Thailand. 

I just heard a news about a guy who was a Malaysian student in Japan found dead in Pattaya after stopping for a while in Bangkok. I checked the news at Suvarnabhumi airport free internet facility and suddenly I felt creepy because that guy was found dead a week before I went up to Bangkok. Pattaya is not a good place, avoid the area if possible and don't show that we are not local when we are in Thailand. 

Spaniard girl, Celia who was my classmate went there for Pattaya to see pingpong played by ladies' private part. Malu nak sebut benda ni lah but that is among the ways on how they attract tourists to the area. We would spontaneously call it as lo'laq (indecent) if we hear this. Many foreigners were found dead there too before our compatriot who was the student in a Japan university was found dead there.

Thailand have many other decent places to visit so just visit good areas there. Always establish good relation with people around and don't take taxis or bus when you are alone. I prefer to walk in a crowded area when I am alone. I would like to express my condolence to his family and friends, and prayer for the soul of the victim, Mr. Muhammad Syafiq Abu Rani who was found dead in Pattaya. He is just the same age like me. May Allah bless his soul, and clears his matter in the world and hereafter.

Back to the train, around 4:00 in the morning of 26th, I woke up and performed Fajr prayer on my bed. Just performing in seating posture and they have curtain so nobody can see my ritual, quite a relieve. Then I saw sun rises from the window, and we another few hours to reach Bangkok. 

It would be so boring if we don't talk with anyone so I decided to walk around the coach with other passengers. I talked with a couple from Mauritius but the husband is a French. They also thought that I am a Thai and asking me to translate something to a lady selling the food in the train because they had some misunderstanding regarding food ordering. Then, they gave me some tips to access Laos, but I am not intending to go further North East yet. Maybe after I visit Bangkok and Southern Thai provinces several times that I would try to visit other neighboring Indo-Chinese countries. 

I carefully ate some breads and canned drink which cost me RM5!!! Bought them at Padang Besar passport control center. The guy who sold the stuffs is a local Perlisian. Very 'expensive' for breads that we always buy in groceries. I guess that, it is not even an airport! Sampai hati noh angpa kapak orang sniri!!! Roti nam kupang ja jadi seringgit, apa punya meniaga la nih dok kapak pala orang??????!!!!  

to be continued...

Recap: Backache and Boredom in Train

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

continue...

In the beginning I thought that we would right away have a bed, but I was wrong. We have to sit first because the train schedule is crossing the schedule of domestic passengers who travel from Bukit Mertajam, Kuala Muda, and Arau stations to Hadyaai Junction. I sat at the seat number 36 in coach no.10, just beside a Thai national auntie.

Didn't talk much with her due to differences in our dialects. I can understand her but she is having hard time to understand our regional Thai because each region and area have their own words and differ greatly to each other. 

We have Malay words and sometimes Persian words mixed in our Thai while their Thai is standard Thai according to their national system. I would look like a five years old Thai kid trying to talk to adults when trying to talk with the auntie, haha. Few long hours sitting in the train I began to feel bored and my back ache. I need to walk sometimes and stand to release the tense at certain parts.

 This is my bed, prepared by uncle Sumant who was the train attendant. Quite dark and the train is moving, can't properly snap it.

At Bukit Mertajam, the train stopped for a moment for other domestic passengers. A girl with tudung labuh and maroon baju kurung sat in front of me. Later she talked at the phone, I guess she talked with her brother who lived in Kuala Lumpur. Her face looks like a Tabligh brother in our Tekun hostel who's known as Naufal and coincidentally she is heading to Arau station in Perlis, no kidding mannn!!!! 

That Tabligh kid is also from Perlis, particularly from Beseri. I could still remember when I asked that guy in the car just after we returned from Tabligh activity in their mosque in Georgetown. Jangan-jangan adik dia tak or might be related to that guy? Perlis bukan besar sangat. Just lazy to talk with anyone. Further, what I have to do with those Tabligh guys??? They are not here anymore, hahaha. 

I just take a look at the window relaxing my mind, trying to make myself happy. The train stopped again at Kuala Muda station in Sungai Petani. It's my hometown where I was born anyway. Then at Arau, most of domestic passengers went down. And the train proceed to Padang Besar for passport control center for crossing border passengers.  

 Passengers preparing to sleep, and it's quite shaky in the train so we can see that it's blurry ahahaha.

Oh yeah, there was also a Tabligh guy who is heading for Haadyai. Perhaps to their center for their activities, but he seems quite pompous, looking at me and the Buddhist auntie in front of me like trash. I didn't wear anything that shows my religion or faith and I speak in Thai while in train with attendants because they don't speak neither English nor Malay so perhaps he thought that I am a non-Muslim too. And he is so out of attitude chewing sirih (betel leaves), messing the floor with his chewed betel leaves. 

He didn't show any respect to the auntie in front of him too with his feet showing to the elder because I know how Thai Buddhists are. Most of them are very polite although differently to Muslim Malays. Pointing our feet or fore finger to elders and person upper to our level is considered as biadab (barbaric). I was like so surprised to see this because I was told differently about Tabligh and manners though I am not the member of the movement. Perhaps, with my background as south east asian whom are familiar with polite customs compared to those from south asian, i might not be suitable to mingle around with them.

 Hualampong Station, they had a book fair there and all books are written in Thai.

After we stopped by at Arau Station, the train further moves to Padang Besar. I can see Arau Mosque, al-Madrasah al-'Alawiyyah ad-Diniyyah which was my school when I was 13. I saw boys playing soccer at the field and green paddy fields. Houses of village folks. It reminds me of my naughty times and later my mum had to transfer me to Selangor when she heard something 'weird' happened to me, hahaha. My maternal grandparents lived in Arau and now we already lost them :'(

Quite modern station, well it is a capital train station just like KL Central in our Kuala Lumpur but might not be the same like KL Central. They have King's picture up there and ticket counters for domestic and international trips. Most are written in Thai so if you are not sure, just ask the information counter. They can help us with some English but be prepared if they can't differentiate Thais and non-Thais because South East Asians in average just look the same, hahaha.

Then the train stopped for maintenance before it reaches Padang Besar. I heard the call of prayer for maghrib and my heart feels so guilty because I can't properly pray in the train. No musalla or space for prayer in Thai coach. I just took the ablution, sat at my seat, closed my eyes and prayed while sitting. The Tabligh guy saw my mouth chanting holy verses in whispering voice. 

Perhaps he can recognize now that I am a Muslim. So, he tried to talk to me but I just kept my silence after the prayer because I was mentally reciting ma'athurat invoking Allah 'Azza wa Jalla protection for everyone in the coaches safety no matter Muslim or non-Muslim.  

The Thai immigration officer in Padang Besar passport control were quite firm compared to those in Sadao at Kwan Mai Dam (Bukit Kayu Hitam). No need to slip RM1 into our passport and we have to fill the embarkation form on our own. The Bangladeshi Tabligh guy approached me and introducing himself as a Tabligh member. Urrrr, I already noticed that since he was at his seat chewing betel leaves at Bukit Mertajam. Bangladeshi attire, with white Indian skull cap, betel leaves in the vessel made of shining metal, and bushy beard. He can't speak in Thai, Malay, nor English. Well, it's ok but he keeps approaching me. I am afraid that he might causing me trouble with his image and his destination is Southern Thai. A samseng Thai attendant with amulet at his neck in the train had already marked him up and that Tabligh guy seems quite insolent too.  

I just helped him to fill up his form as a Muslim brother but it does not mean I agree with his attitude toward the old Thai lady in front of him and his sharp glance to me, tengok orang atas bawah. Maybe he thought that the lady is a non-Muslim so why must he be respectful to non-Muslim but this kind of attitude had made me gone astray when I was a 13 years old kid. I guess the readers who stumbled here could understand what I am trying to say.

to be continued...

Recap: Leaving for Bangkok

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Just took the bus earlier at 10:00 in the morning on 25th of July for the jetty. Then I had some breakfast, rice with sausage and fishball, which costs me about RM3.00. Quite expensive because I just took a kind of lauk which was the mixed sausage and fishball. And had a milked tea. It's not a nice meal anyway but I had wrongly chosen the meal. 

The stall just located near the flying over to cross to the bus station near jetty in a food court. Beside it is a Chinese restaurant serving beef noodle. The makcik is not friendly too. Maybe just my perception.

I arrived at Butterworth Train Station around 11:00 after a relaxing ferry sailing from the island to the mainland for the train station. I wait there for few hours because the train leaving from the station around 14:20 Malaysian time. Didn't take any breakfast but only drinking some water because I was quite afraid to begin the journey alone, buat gila masuk berseorangan ke negara orang, haha. 

Train was not yet there

 Train arrived to take passengers to Bangkok

I regret that I didn't bring any food supply from hostel and I didn't bought any cause I thought that I am on tight expenditure. I changed some more money to Thai Bhat, just in case. It's quite scary because I heard many negative things about Bangkok and Thailand as a whole but if I don't do this, I would only rely on rumors and story above story. It is only close to my state but we don't know anything about their capital.

to be continued...

Alhamdulillah... Rao Klab Ban Leaw!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Just safely return from the City of Angel or Khrungthep Mahanakorn which is how Bangkok is called by Thais. It is a busy city and I thought that I could just finish visiting the city in only a day like Georgetown but I was wrong. It is a big city just like Kuala Lumpur and perhaps twice larger than Kuala Lumpur but with new features since three years ago like the Airport Rail Link, MRT (underground line), and Sukhumvit Line (BTS). Even I had several times planning visits in Georgetown and it was not like I had been there once and covered everything.

I took the flight to return instead of taking the land route since it will take me long and first Ramadan would be best spent in our place with proper worships and praises. I planned to be there until 28th or 29th but it turns out to be only a night spending and surveying the city. I just memorized see yaek (intersection), taang yaek (junction), thanon (road) and soi (branch of road) so that I could plan another visit to Bangkok without any problem like my first time in the city. 

It's quite a tiring journey by train but they have bed prepared for the passengers to Bangkok. I felt like I was in Japan in South East Asia when in Bangkok. Need to polish up my central Thai dialect. They have lesson for charity in temples even in Malaysia but I had repent my sin so I would try to avoid that boundary if I have the ability to do so, but rather finding other alternatives. Maybe next time I would try to apply job in Bangkok if it is difficult to find it here. This problem is everywhere. When I read a local forum about jobless graduates, I felt like I wanted to burst out in tear again. 

Again, people are generalizing jobless university graduates as lazy to find job or afraid of trying new things, choosy, and what not with negativity. Not all are like that. If it is as easy as people always talk. We won't even hear any fuss about this because not all of graduates are blessed with skills or studying in fields that involve them into skills. It happens everywhere, not only in Malaysia. 

What will happen to those in art streams? Humanities or Social Science? Being activists? Businessmen? Sales person? Why would a university providing these fields if these fields are useless? It would be better if students at the school being told earlier to cease studying if they have no ability to study or have no skills cakap Melayunya takda ketokohan begitu. Better start to work early in the factory as operators or being farmers, isn't it? It saves money and times a lot. And we do not have to import foreigners to do all of those low class jobs. Well, I don't want to blame anyone. It is of no use because this world is the world with evil. Let us just hope Allah bless us with His blessings. His sustenance is wide.

I have to have my meals together with non-Muslims in their restaurants because my staying area have no Muslims living around and I am out of budget. Even tried to restrict myself and not violating the commandments but we are only ordinary human-being with flesh. 

I just walked around and avoiding taking any taxi, motorcycle, tuk tuk or songtaew. Afraid that they will sense my southern Thai dialect and noticing that I am not a local Bangkokian or even a Thai. Most of them thought that I am a Thai and not even a Muslim because those local Muslims in Bangrak district looked at me with suspicious look when I walked inside their mosque. Managed to find the mosque last night when I slowly walked and asked a Muslim girl waiting for a BTS in Wongwian Yai way. May Allah forgives me my sins for the violation of commandments.

Allah bless prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his companions, and his family. Allah bless everyone, insyaAllah.

Departing for Bangkok

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

We would be departing from Butterworth for Bangkok at 14:00 on the 25th of August 2011, Tuesday. Make sure to be at the train station an hour earlier because we have to get ready to board the train 20 minutes before departing time. For everyone's information, especially loners like me, we may choose first class or other two later classes when boarding the train for Bangkok.

The ticket costs me about RM112 because I choose the first class coach with a bed, and it is lower bed. Upper bed is a bit cheaper, which is about RM104. It would take us about a day to reach Bangkok and is expected to reach Hualamphong Station at 12:00, Wednesday. I am still not sure about the transportation to return home and also accommodation while being there because I never think any further what to do when I was so bored. It will just happen. I am still deciding whether I would hop on an express bus for Nakhorn Sri Thammarat and later for Songkhla. And then might be taking a van for the charge of RM30 right away from Hadyaai to USM in Penang.

I'm also still thinking on how to store my cash because I think that it's not good to bring a lot of cash along while traveling. Bitter experience in Kuala Lumpur at Central Market really gives me bad feeling with cash although those thieves didn't hurt me nor taking my money as I only had RM2 in my wallet while other bank notes being kept all over my clothes. I had already activated the overseas usage for CIMB but other cards are not activated yet. Maybe I need to go for Pulau Tikus Maybank to ask them or simply call the bank to get the detail whether they have branches in Thailand and providing overseas with charges or else. And then maybe I need to call for al-Rajhi for debit card and charges if I use it abroad. Regret that I never ask that before I made the card at Kajang branch last time.

I had also got some tips from those who had been to Bangkok and Southern Thailand provinces. Also checked the website about accommodation and transportation fares in Bangkok. It is a big city and never look down at the city although it is in a country less developed than Malaysia. Miss Montawadee from women's development center and Azren helped me a lot too with contacts and details about university and mosques in Bangkok. I highly appreciate their assistance, tips and advices in this matter.

What else? I have to change Riyal into Thai Bhat because it would be lower in rate if changed in Bangkok. Some people said better change it at the bank there or at the money changer at huge hotels. I love the pic of Baitullah printed at the Riyal note. Goodbye bank notes, I'll miss your picture (Kaaba). 

The Riyal was given by my third sister who married her husband in South Thai as a present. It's not the present for me to company her for the koboi marriage due to that I still insist her to do it again in Malaysia, but as a present because I helped her with her assignments while she was very busy with her job back there in Riyadh.

The rest, would be in Lord's wisdom. I wish that I would have a safe journey, new experience, new knowledge about society, new contacts, developing amity among brethren in faith and humanity and learning about other country. Everything depends on Allah and His protection. I'm quite afraid too but I have to be a loner since I am a university student, away from parents and without any friend and companion. So, whatever that I have in my head must also be done without any discussion. I had also kept this in my mind so my focus would never change. 

I think that I'm growing familiar being a loner like this. I don't even care about friends any more since I had always believe that my dearly Friend is always with me, talking to me although my physical ears can't hear Him, my physical eyes can't see Him, nor my physical touch could feel Him. And He is protecting me wherever I am from evil. I will release my tense through this trip with His Protection and Mercy. Also wish that everything goes fine and we have updated view about this life... aminn!

Sealed with prayers for peace, love, and mercy for brothers and sisters in faith, amin!!!

How to Activate Your Overseas CIMB?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I had just activated the ATM card for overseas usage after dzuhr and lunch at the new restaurant in Sungai Dua. It's quite easy than what I had expected. I'm just doing it for a precaution if I really feel I need to step out of this area due to extreme boredom. Whomever could bear the boredom must be respected for that, hahahaa.

First of all, do like we always do to withdraw cash. Then choose lain-lain perkhidmatan or other services. Secondly, choose CIMB Overseas or CIMB Luar Negara. Thirdly, choose permanent or temporary. If you choose temporary, then you must state down the date you begin to be in the overseas and also the due date for that. I didn't choose permanent because no officer there to enlight me on what will happen next.

We may also activate it through CIMB Clicks but I had forgotten my password and I am lazy to deal with the hotline number to get back my password. We can't activate our card when we are already outside of the country. But it still could be done through CIMB Clicks if you have internet access. Do check whether there are also the branch outside there. Just afraid that they do not have MEPS system like in here. And don't totally depend on teller machine. We also need some cash in hand. I've got to keep small blade inside my shoes for precaution course.   

I have to settle few other things before this 22nd of Sya'aban (24th of July) as what had been planned. Gotta settle down rent for the room first. It's not even August yet, but they are so quick with money. I hate this kind of society without any consideration on others. Even when I wanted to shift to this current room, they had quickly chased me out of my room by grabbing the previous room's key from me. I had to pile up my stuffs and sampahs outside of the room like a refugee. 

Yesterday, I coincidentally met my ex-colleague during first degree in front of the hostel's entrance, Jaya who works at the office. He's not really close to me because he's from other puak (group) which is puak gigih ('good' students). We had several puaks in the class. Puak gigih (popular and well loved by main lecturers), puak kena outcaste (like me and Amir, anti-social, hidden life, underground and notorious), puak pathetic, puak Cina, puak Hindu or muka Hindu, and many others. I just feel like I want to burst out on his face for what the office had done to me but I must control it because it's their ridiculous policy, not his personal policy. I would just flying kick his sorry ass if it's his personal policy while he makes that mocking face at me. It's so insulting!  

Well, the main point of this post is as a social service. I can't really help all of the people outside but I hope that at least I could give some small anonymous contribution to others to please Allah. Thank you for reviewing. May everyone be blessed. 

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa ahlihi wa sahbihi ajma'in. Dear the God our Lord, please be in contact with noble prophett Muhammad s.a.w and his family and his companions and everyone. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for brothers and sisters in faith, amin!

It is so boring!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

It has been a while. We are near to Ramadan day by day, today is 17th of Sya'aban 1432 H. I don't know whether I would perform rehlah to Bangkok or not before this Ramadan. It's in my head since long and I feel quite bored in USM. I would feel like I wanted to bang my head on the wall when I am bored. 

You know when you stay alone without any human presence to lead you, satan will blow the poison in your head and evil mind will appear and influencing you until you forget Him, then losing self control. It also happens to our brothers in soul who are about to die or leaving the world. So, we can't leave them alone. I'm still patient and accepting the period like this as a test from Allah. His slaves, the children of Israel were also tested by Allah in isolation as a mean to purify their sins. Noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w was also in isolation and performed 'uzlah away from a corrupt society.

I actually have many things in my head but as always mobility and limitation are our problem. I am alone and I need to carefully plan the trip and everything to make sure that I won't have any problem beyond the border.

What should we do tomorrow, ya 'abdallah?

1) Activate our atm card at the bank for overseas activation and ask whether they have the branch in the city? We can't bring too much cash in hand and it's dangerous especially when we are alone. I had this experience even in KL, kawan kena pau dengan two Patanese or perhaps Kelantanese when I was in form six just across Central Market.

2)  Find the past paper for the exam paper and notes from the files for the subject that we need to repeat in the next semester. We need to xerox them for a senior, an she really is a senior citizen.

3) Clean up the room and my side including the floor mopping. I need to warn brother Fairuz not to come by for few months. I had offered him a shelter in my room but I didn't warn him that he can't use the side of my roommate. I arrived in USM the day where bro. Fairuz in the room. That's why he slept at the roommates bed. I actually am offering my bed to bro. Fairuz because he still have few weeks to see his supervisor and I understand the condition of those who have no room. He doesn't have to worry about me because I can sleep on the floor. But I guess he might not dare to come again. I had lost a person who recite His teachings in my room, blessings will be gone too :'(

He was scolded by the roommate for using the other side when the roommate uncle suddenly arrived early in the morning. I am so sorry for that. Well, you know a teacher and an uncle. He must be quite strict with principles and anyone would be pissed off arriving searching for the bed and suddenly came over an unknown guy at their place. 


I'm strict with principles too but I may tolerate brothers of da'awa movement. The roommate is not always in the room. He comes once a month to see his supervisor. I have to flee the room too to avoid from arguing with the roommate over brother Fairuz issue. He doesn't know anything about me in detail because we are not close and the story of my relationship with Tabligh-e-Jama'at brothers here anyway. I had my previous Kelantanese roommates bringing scouting friends, smoking in the room and slept on my bed during my first degree but I could still tolerate them and be patient. Why can't elderly be tolerant to others too and politely asking people on what actually happened? Seriously, I can't understand some people thinking.    

4) Change some money to TB and USD at Forex because I may need it for expenditure in the rehlah. Maybe I would need some cash in hand for some food and bus fare. I might also accidentally bound for Chiangmai or perhaps Laos. So need to be careful with the money spent and be careful with the people around too not to be cheated. Recite some supplications and dzikrs to avoid evil in travel regardless anywhere we are. Check the debit card too coz we have no credit card. Thanks to al-Rajhi. 

5) Make some list for things to bring for the rehlah. Check also immigration law of the country and the other country at the north. Time is limited so everything must be need. Find the list of mosques and their addresses in Bangkok and also in Chiangmai, just in case. Also the address of Malaysian embassy and Wisma Putra contact number. Check for the list of budget hotels in case we can't find mosques or we can't stay at the mosque. Maybe we can also check for some temples whether they have some vacant room for some donation to the temple if we have no choice.

6) Check for economy class ticket for the train to Bangkok and prepare for a killing waist. Ask for the immigration procedure in the train. Bring some notebook and jot down relatives contact number in Thai and English script in a notebook. Make a list for places that we need to visit especially holy places (mosques) and Muslim areas to avoid time-wasting. How many days we would stay there? Maybe around 4 days, or perhaps a week. Hopefully not extended to a week, we have no financial support and alone. Don't bring any school books to clear up our jammed mind except for Quran and prayer book to recite prayers and blessings for the trip and people around.   

Urmmm, just enough to do list for tomorrow. It's just a plan anyway, it's not guaranteed to happen. No need to rush and no disappointment if it does not happen, ok : ) Make sure to read Quran and start the memorization again tomorrow. I can't really memorize Quran in room when brother Fairuz was in the room. Maybe because I'm shy or perhaps afraid I would disturb him with certain rituals to respect the mushaf. I'm just like that since I always have to keep my religion a secret in front of non-Muslim friends or afraid being looked down upon by some "zealots" last time. It developed to be a bad habit then.

What did we do today????? Nothing interesting... I had to stay at Azren's room since the morning of 16th Sya'aban until today's afternoon. I tried to avoid quarrel with the uncle about why did I gave shelter to our brother and coincidentally he slept on his bed. He pays for the bed and his side so he is also rightful when it comes to half part of the room. It's ok, I understand him. I don't blame anyone. I just prayed Fajr prayer inside Azren's room because I didn't bring any hygiene stuffs and my shirt stinks with sweat smell. It's not so nice to be close to holy sanctuary with stinky cloth. But I had no choice.

A whole day wandering inside the campus waiting for the uncle to leave the room. I prayed yesterday's Dzuhr and 'Asr prayers in mosque too. After Fajr prayer and dzikr ma'thurat services, I just went to sleep without reciting any Quranic verses. Azren was still sleeping at that time. I don't wanna disturb him. Thanks to Azren for the shelter offered, he also trusted me to duplicate his room's key. At least I can find some place when I have problem with an elderly roommate. I really appreciate his assistance. 

I think being a roommate to the elderly is quite difficult compared to be with teenagers or young guys. I don't know why I have to stay with the elderly although I had requested to the office to be placed with people younger than 40 years old. I pay the rental for every month, so technically they should also take note on my request. I'm not really particular with others' religious status. I can stay with non-Muslim and I'm familiar with them compared to fellow Muslims. As long as the person could masuk kepala with me, then I would have no problem at all with his religious practices or belief as long as he respect others. Maybe I should apply for the room inside the campus for the next semester. Might be at my previous hostel in Aman. It would be another fussy job to write letters here and there dealing with bureaucracy, dear Lord!

I went down to have some dinner at Jawi restaurant after Maghrib prayer at room. Typical Southern Thai restaurants that we always refer as kedai makan Siam. This kind of restaurant is at all the place now. Maybe a new kind of colonization or an effect of globalization of Thai food, LOL. Jawi is also a reference for us whom are the Malayan of Arab descents. Maybe it also makes me interested to always have my dinner there, haha. I never go to other restaurants although we have other restaurants at Ivory and University Place unless if I am with friends who wanted to have their meal at other restaurants.

After dinner, I went for Isyaa' prayer at Ivory musalla. Nobody there so I sadly prayed alone. It was already passing the congregational time because at the time I took my dinner, people already called for 'Isya' prayer. Feel quite guilty for not joining the congregation but I'm afraid that I will passed out because I had eat nothing for the whole day. 

 Random pic from flicker, this is not the tokong I went to.

After the prayer, I went down and walked passed the Persiaran Gambir street, further down and crossing the road to another side. I went to a small tokong (Chinese temple) under the hillside there, called 廣福宮 the Guangfu Gong. Urm, I know there are many temples with that name. But it is a given name for the temple by community around. Just feel bored and I have nobody to talk to so I just went to the temple to see what happened down there. They had a religious ceremony down there and as always a platform was set up for a singing show. I just watch people down there doing their religious ceremony beside listening to some songs in Hokkien, Mandarin, and Cantonese.  Frankly, I had been to the temple twice since the last Qingming.

The guy who sings the Mandarin song has a very good pronunciation. Quite impressive because I usually having a hard time to understand many people's Mandarin because we have also developed our own style of Chinese, hahaha. I read the flag there and it says that it's a ceremony for 老大帝 Laoda Di or 玄天帝 Xuantian Di. The name denotes that the god character is an emperor. I guess there is other sage name too, but I can't really see the flag and I don't want to show that I am not a local although they possibly could detect that, haha. I can only recognize 觀音菩薩 Guanyin Pusa because she is a famous goddess for Chinese Buddhists. Some Mahayana Buddhists call the equivalent god to Guanyin as Podhiseth Awalo (god Avalokiteswara). Just an additional info for those who are not familiar with Buddhism and performing da'awa. At least you have some idea about what are those things.

I saw two priests or bomoh doing some rituals. It seems like they were alternately possessed by 'something', perhaps 'gods' represented by the idols on altars there and they wrote some magic words on golden and silver papers and on the forehead or the body parts of people who ask for bad omen to be removed from them. They drank the water with a kind of leaf in it. I'm just lazy to ask people around but just observing through the haze of jossticks. 

A lady was also possessed there and she screamed. I don't know whether she really was possessed but she seems like in pain when the water with the leaves in the vessel sprinkled at her face. Perhaps the effects of heavy jossticks' smoke. The rituals done there looks more to folk beliefs. 

The only Buddhism influence that I could see is shown by the Bodhisatva Guanyin statue at the main altar there. Other seems more like Chinese folk belief or regional Daoism. I'm not really familiar with Daoism though, it's a Chinese traditional religion. They have dozens of beer and donated rambutans too. Those who talked with the possessed priests then gave RM10 in red packets to them.

I just hit the keyboard when I arrived at the room. Now I need to perform ghusl or ma'mad ritual to clean up myself and renewing my faith toward Allah after entering non-Muslim area and attending a non-Muslim ceremony. I smell like a burned lizard because of intense colok burning down there, ahahahahahahaa.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad, wa 'ala ahlihi wa sahbi-hi ajma'in. Dear Allah our Lord, please be in contact with the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family and his companions and everyone. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!

Prophetic Timeline Project

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

We have a very good website to learn about noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w from a project developed by the Muslim Research and Development Foundation. It is to educate the world about the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w after few misunderstandings had risen.

We may see how the project has started off here. There are 10 other more resources waiting to be developed such as the iPad Seerah application, state and independent school teacher resources and it need brothers and sisters support to make them a reality. Here is the link for donation and fundraising if interested for those in the UK or anywhere else. We may use this resource for our activity together with brothers and sisters to learn about prophetic timeline too. It is a fun activity, try it yourselves.

May the effort in educating the world about the Path of prophets goes well and being a way for everyone to please Him beside strengthening the brethren bond around the globe. Happy celebrating the Nus Sha'aban to Muslim Shi'ite and some Sufi brothers. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for dearly brothers and sisters in faith, amin!

Consoling the Heart

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

The world is the plantation for the hereafter. As far as one’s ability permits, engage yourself in earning good and reaping the fruits of the hereafter. With your intellect, tongue, pen and paper, wealth and all that it needs to make the hearts of others happy, comfort people but do not hurt or offend anyone. Consider this an act of great importance.

The deficiencies and difficulties of this worldly life are innumerable. However, this world has also been created as a fertile ground for the hereafter.

A saint was once asked, “How many avenues are there to reach Allah Ta’ala?” The saint replied, “The pathways leading to Allah Ta’ala are as many as the atoms that exist, however there is no path more beneficial and rewarding than keeping a person’s heart happy and consoling him. I have found Allah Ta’ala through this path and I advise others to do likewise. Consoling and bringing joy to a broken heart full of sorrow is far weightier than spending an entire night in Worship.”

Generally a broken or damaged article is worthless and futile but the heart is such that the more it is broken, the more it is filled with sorrow, the more its value increases.

(Ta’meer Hayat – Sept 2002)

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love for dearly brothers and sisters in faith...

Memo: Drafting New Spiritual Plan

Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I'm done with first chapter, thank You Lord!!!!!!! I'll return for Penang and planning spiritual plan for myself on papers to get the success in the world and the hereafter. He is our purpose of life and death... He is our intention... His Blessing, Mercy, Love and Pleasure are what we are trying to beg!!!!!!!!

No mercy toward myself anymore, no pampering anymore we are in evil period and time is running out before He is taking away the knowledge and kitabs from our heart and soul. I'll have to beat my nafs and rotten flesh hard without any mercy for deceiving my heart view toward Him and listening to evil environment around, His Will!!! Everything must be according to Quranic responsibility and Sunnah! I must punish myself for violating Quran and Sunnah, repent ya 'abdullahhhhhhh!

As a reminder ya 'abdullah, don't stop fasting this Thursday until the half of Sya'aban in order to celebrate and inviting holy month, Ramadhan Mubarak. Today is already 10th of Sya'aban. We pray and fast only for Him, not only in specific nights but we must always remember Him in every second of our life. The hadith about prayers all night long in 15th of Sya'aban is weak, so don't take it seriously. However, ones who always perform optional fasting could always fast to remember Him and for self purification according to valid sources and practices. 

Give the right of the God in ourselves, give the right of our selves to our selves, and the right of everyone according to their places.

May our journey this Thursday being a safe journey under His protection. May our works done followed by His Help and Supervision. Our Lord, give us patience and strength to walk through this thorny and tormenting world. May we finish everything according to the time and no time being wasted. Forgive me for times wasted. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for dearly brothers and sisters, amin!

Pray for brethren in Somalia....

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!!!

Here is a site about the news there. I don't know what else to say when I see all of these.... We don't know how to help them or have no capability to meddle in helping them as brothers in soul, but at least please help these brethren with prayers for faith, success, and peace in their way to see Him.

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin!

Memorizing Invocations from the Glorious Quran II

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Ok we continue with other supplications. As always please check the Arabic version in our kitab, I include for everyone the reference verse so everyone may recite the verses both in Arabic and in our own language. Make sure to recite all of these at the good times to make supplications.

Thus the God will suffice you against them. And He is the all-Hearer, the all-Knower.

(al-Baqarah 137)

Those who are afflicted by the calamity, say: Indeed! To the God we belong, and indeed to Him we shall return.

(al-Baqarah 156)

Our Lord! Give us in this world the goodness and in the hereafter goodness and save us from the torment of Fire!

(al-Baqarah 250)

Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate (from the Path) after You have guided us, and guide us Your mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower.

(aali-'Imraan 8)

Jot them down in clean papers and memorize in the mosque or while we are alone in 'uzlah (isolation). This state is to purify our mind and soul, many tests will come to us. Sometimes I also feel like I just want to die because it is unbearable, but we must keep in mind that we're in the period of tests. He loves us, that's why He tests us :'(

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!

Great Styles.... hahahaa

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!!!

Recently I love to watch Telugu, well Tamil movies too though I don't understand Telugu except for smattering Hindi words in Telugu because some words are commonly used in Urdu, hahahaa.... 

After watching those movies at least I know few Tamil words and straight away using it with the maccha in the grocery... I had long tried to learn Tamil. But unfortunately I have no opportunity because of time constraint. That silly maccha tries to tackle little sister, hahaha. Last time little sister did gave her number to a Nepalese co-worker when she worked in a restaurant. It was quite scary when that guy keep calling her. Pandai sangat! Girls out there jaga-jaga dengan bhai dai ni semua, nanti dia sudah adik manis sama you orang, susah lah. Siapa susah? You punya abang lah have to save you from being disturbed.

Love your style Prabhas especially when you are in fighting scenes... The scenes in Varsham where you sprayed the gas on those goons with knives is quite awesome... hahaha....

Well also Arjun Sarja... Your movie is always about justice and righteousness. I love your movies. However, rarely see you in Telugu movies. You're always in Tamil movies and you're still cool.... hahaha. You look smart in your police suit who combats corruption, evil ministers, and goons. I admire you for your characters, sir.

  
I also think that your cool styles were undermined when both of you are in singing and dancing scenes. Doesn't suit you people well. I just don't know when Indian movies could cut or at least leave those craps of singing and erotic dancing with these cool heroes???? I know it is a culture there but come on, it's not like we don't have music videos for that. Just my personal opinion. It's not easy to change certain customs in a short period of time.

Urm, I guess I have to avoid watching too much Indian movies especially at the dancing and singing scenes because those nonsense ladies belly showing is not good for memorization of Quran. Fighting and violence is not good too, don't take them as example. Sometimes it might be fun to watch different kind of movies especially when the hero kicks the ass of villains and the villains fly up 50 km above the sky after the kick or maybe the feet of villains crippled and melting like being dipped down into acid once being clutched by heroes' mighty hand, LOL.... I love the sound when villains fall down on metal blocks, it's real... ktunckkkkk.....! Watching these movies is just to relax my messy mind. And those movies are free in the website, thanks to uploaders. You don't know how I appreciate your efforts, hehehehee.

These two guys are among my favorite Southern Indian heroes in movies. Oh yeah, I love watching Jamshed Chetirakat in Tamil and Malayalam movies too. Mostly Jamshed and Arjun will appear in Tamil movies. Prabhas only in Telugu maybe because he is comfortable with Telugu. I will certainly watch all of their movies without looking at the synopsis if I know that they are in scenes. I don't really know recent Hindi movie actors except for those veteran ones like Saif Ali Khan, Aishwarya Rai, Amir Khan, Sonali Bendre, Rani Mukherjee, and etc. Ok, recent ones are like Emran Hashemi, Imran Khan, Shahid Kapoor, Sonam Kapoor, Bruna Abdullah, etc. SRK and KKHH sucks... booo... I learn a lot about life from Tamil or Telugu movies. Also from their songs. 

Sometimes Southern Indian movies might be out of mind because these people are crazy but it reflects the facts in this life. This is not to condemn any Indian movies, I love watching them anyway. My history teacher Mr. Gopal also condemned Tamil movies in front of Indian students when I was in form 6 class. Luckily those students did not rioting in the class, hehehe.... They also conducted farewell party before we sat for our STPM (A-Level) and those students who are good in dancing performed Chandramukhi dance and other dances, I can say quite related to their religious activity if you are familiar with devadasis or bonnambalan hall at Semenyih Hindu temple, hehehe. Quite creepy because they imitate the movie without any adaptation or changing in the movements ...(shivering).... 

This is just a guide for me regarding how should I behave when I am in the public. I will be those heroes... lol. These heroes influencing people lives too. I think that I become more influenced by Indian and those in the western part of the world although I speak Chinese or Malay and writing in Chinese. Compared to when I was a kid. Maybe time is changing people preference too, because right now I don't go to school with Indians anymore but living in a Malay majority area. World has so many different things even though humanity is only one but wonder why we have to be racists???? 

May the God forgives our sins. Sealed with prayers for peace, love, and mercy, amin!

You are the Peace that I am longing for

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Only You are the Peace that I am looking for... You are my beloved.... Sanu ik paal chain aave, sajjna tere bina... Ho saada kalleyang jee nai laggna... Sajjna tere bina...

Kise daa yaar na pardes jaave... Vicchoda na kise de pesh aave... No ones love shall ever perish... None shall face the pain of separation... Ho sanu ik paal chain aave... Peace only can be found before You...

Rog vijog te sog hazaara...  Sajjna tere naal... Illnesses, separation, and thousands of pain... Only for You, my Love... Ho na bhaave roj qayamat...

Hoke, haade, hijar te athroh... De gya yaar sogatan... Pain, sorrow, and tears of separation... These are the gifts You had given to me...

Mud naa aaye dil te mehram... Beet gaiya barsaata... The rainin' season has gone away, it shall never come back on heart... dear confidence...

Raati main jagaawa diva hanjuaa de tel daa... I lit up the candle with oil of tears in the night... Haye o Rabba sajjna nu chheti kyun nahi melda? O God my Love, my beloved... Why can't You make me see You soon, my Love?  

- Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

T T

This is just a test, patience... Ya Allah!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

May peace and mercy descend upon brothers and sisters. I am so glad we are near Ramadan but in the same time I am also sad, I am stuck at my first chapter of thesis. I am not sad because of the thesis but the thesis becomes the asbab (reasons) for me to be far from the God :'( 

It makes me believe even more that this epoch is the evil epoch with evil people, evil works, evil thoughts, evil words, and everything evil in ones selves. May He strengthen our faith and helping us to gain our strength to perform obedience to Him, passing through this evil period.

I had just returned home from a mosque in our qaryah (parish). After Isya' I tried to avoid people as always because I don't like to be seen by anyone. So, I just quickly ran down to get my slippers, actually not my slippers because I borrowed it from my sister. I know that I am so dha'if, sengkek, and penniless. What else I can jot down here to describe the condition? Then suddenly dad shouted at me, actually he calls me to meet someone which is his acquaintance. I didn't really feel comfortable with that man, well he's quite "soft" and is a clerk in a hospital.  It's not a problem as long as he does not touch me, especially in holy boundary. I am not a person who is easily to be touched by anyone and quite sensitive with the manner in the masjid or places of worship. I don't care what people want to say or think about that.

I would not stay long at that place but will quickly leave if I feel uncomfortable with someone or anything being discussed by someone. Then, he asked me what am I doing. I would prefer to tell him that I am a jobless person. My dad and mum is feeding me because I am a useless handicapped guy in front of him. But it stuck in my throat. I just said the truth that I am pursuing master degree. Then he asked me whether I had experience working? I just answered him simple, no... I just wonder, why people love to ask whether we are working or not in their conversation as it is like a great achievement in our life???????????????!!!  Are they gonna give us job after they ask us those silly questions? No, for sure not all of the people would be so merciful to others since they are also desperate. 

I'm sorry for being quite a bad ass today and I hope that I hurt nobody. This is just what I personally feel and it is the reason why I hate to talk much in the public. Well, at least I don't have to see a councilor by jotting everything down because those fellows can't really solve anything but just making a life from that. Unless if the councilor is like the councilor who is already dead like Malcolm Crowe in the Sixth Sense.

When he heard that, he just said: "kalau macam tu susah lah. You dah ade master nanti, tapi takde pengalaman keje plak. Nanti orang tengok dorang lebih penting pengalaman keje." I actually am aware about that. I have an experience for about a year working in immigration department as a Chinese translator and interpreter although I never have any Chinese certificate. I understand two Chinese dialects but speak only one of it because I am not fluent in the other one and I write in Chinese for both dialects beside using Jawi Malay in most of my hand written document at least for now. 

I had anonymously helped hundreds of Muslim Chinese, Hui or Uyghur ethnic hajjs and hajjas who were trapped and stucked in the Kuala Lumpur International Airport in that short period time working experience. Even I also helped non-Muslim Chinese nationals in the airport according to my job responsibility and at the day I had got my salary where those salary goes to these people because I don't want them to waste their money buying expansive food stuffs or wasting their food supplies when they are in pilgrimage in airport. I just drink water because I am sacrificing myself for others to perform worship, may Allah never drag me to hell for jotting this down. I always went home late at night when I worked although I began my work at seven in the morning and goes to the airport at five before fajr prayer calling. Mum had also complained when I came back late and nobody would ever see my face at home while I work and now people are talking about this. Is it me who is an ingrate and do not appreciate what Allah 'Azza wa Jalla had given us? Other than that, I helped Indonesian, Indian, Vietnamese, Nepalese, Bangladeshi and other nationals who were abused like animals for their energy to be exploited in labor industry stucked in the freezing cold airport, calling here and there to their embassy while those officers in the office refused to be involved because they have many other important things to do. 

I don't think that I have to tell everything to people because the holy God is watching me down here and sometimes I can't even recall what I had done in the past unless if I sit down and think deeply on what happens in the past to get back my lost memory because I will try to erase all of the pain in the past. 

I feel quite sad and down when I encountered this kind of question. I realize that I am already 25 years old, but what is wrong with my age and working experience? I have other ex-colleague who were my classmates having no job until now. I understand how their feeling and I believe they might also feel insulted when people talk about that because they would feel down. 

One of my ex-classmate in the bachelor degree class, Mat Noq of Kulim was expelled from the study. I am so sad when I heard the news because we had tried to help him as a Muslim brother. Nobody really cares about him because he was pathetic, a fatso, no pleasant looking, dark, village folk, he eats rice with curry until it stains his manga comic and could be a servant to other hostel mates because he was traumatized with his school boy's life. I frankly hate to see this inequality! 

Another one of my ex-classmate is Syakeer of Kuala Berang. He was also expelled because he worked while studying and he failed almost all of the papers and have no choice but to be expelled by the dean and the university. He is currently working as a cleaner in Langkawi. I had Mat Med as my closest classmate and hostel mate. He has no job even until now. I also persuaded him to find a proper job for himself because I know how it feels when people talk like this to us, when parents begin to rant and naggin' to us. But in the same time I understand him for the failure to get immediate job. It is the mobility, and many other factors that stopped him from steppin' out of his boundary. I feel so sad for my friends. Not only when I listened people talking like they know more about us when they talk with us. 

Our bachelor certificate is a loose certificate. Everyone can be a translator or interpreter and we only have Malay and English as our major. Malaysians are good in English and we have no other skills like machinery, mechanical, engineering, medical, pharmaceutical or anything related to technical fields. We can take those courses again maybe through GiatMara and we would waste our time and money just for certification and to be recognized in working world. I myself have to upgrade my certificate to other field because the field of our bachelor degree is so loose and now I have to face all of this while my thesis is still in the mess. We could go to editorial, journalism, translation institute, teaching, and others and we would have to compete with people who are taking those fields in their certificate like mass-com, chemistry, physics, english, malay, and others. It's not like we are choosing the job too. I had once worked as a waiter, a multi-tasked waiter who also makes drink, washing dishes, cleaning the compounds of the restaurant, and making sandwiches at three in the morning for the restaurant owned by a Chinese Muslim. I had been a stringer not for so long in Berita Harian and helping literature desk and being condemned by novel readers through email because wrong information as I am not a novel fan but I have to write it because of the task and responsibility. When I talked to Mat Med in the messenger about why are we studying for our bachelor degree? We still can't get proper job like those who drives lorry in the highway. He also said, I don't know what to tell people when people ask him about our certificate. We are even worse than those who were looked down by people around during the look east policy and heavy industry policy was at their peak, the religious study students in madrasas.  

As what I had talked before, dear teachers in schools, please never lie to your pupils... Being in the university does not mean that we are achieving ultimate success. Success is not in the certificate. It is more than that, when we see Him in the hereafter. Why can't we feel others' pain and sensitive to others' feelings? This is among the things that creating the society in the condition today. A society in the "hell." I had always listened to people say this notion when I mingled with buddhists listening to religious lectures, "rau pein kon tee sang narok nai tua ieng." We are those who created hell in ourselves. It means everything in the society is related to each other. If one had created foul things, the other will receive the impact of the act of the other. The same thing happens in either place. This is the law of karmma in buddhist concept. I am talking about my past knowledge regarding how I view the society and environment :'(

We are just ordinary human-being. Why it is so hard for people around to understand each other while we are the same human? Is it because our thinking is different or our living experience is different? Some might face little hardships in life? Some with lots of hardship? Different level of hardships? Facing hardships in different conditions?

I can be anything He wants me to be. Why do I have to worry about future when it is pre-destined for everyone? Maybe next year I would be dead who knows if it is written in Luh Mahfuz? I have a very high dignity, it is not proud or pride. I would feel insulted when people talk something which I had already think of for thousands or trillions of times because I am aware about that. If it is about things related to Him I would never feel intimidated. And worldly matters or anything related to it in His House is so insulting! I would prefer to talk about those things outside of the holy boundary! 

I had just said my repentance before Him and there it comes, my patience being tested by these fellow humans, ya Allahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! At the same time ustad Wan which is my old friend who joined the same Arabic class in the other mosque approached me and dad. Dad again asked him, "can't you recommend him to be a muadzin in this mosque?" Haiyoooyooooo........ Muka perambo sudah tebal lahhhh nak simpan mano lagi weh!!!!! Since I finished my first degree I had faced this kind of situation. If not dad who asked about this to others, then mum would ask people who came by at our house to recommend me for a job like I am incapable of doing things on my own but in the same time they would condemn me for the incapability that they had created. That also makes me rushing to find job in a security company as a supervisor few months before I get the offer to further master in the same university. I was so angry but I do not blame dad for raising up the issue. I know that he is affected by stroke and that makes his thinking quite unclear. But I guess he had been like that since he was healthy. 

I still remember he became so sincere with his friends and told everything including the embarrassing ones to them. I don't know what parents think of their children even if they are proud of their children. Telling everything about their children to others is not a good thing. Children have soul. I wonder, what parents or those who are now parents thinking of their children? Even if their children are still toddlers in their cradle? Some kind of dolls? Children are pets? We can cuddle them when we need them, and when we don't need them we may do anything we like to them? These children have no feeling? They possess no dignity? They have nothing to be ashamed of because they are children????????????? 

And if children are the children, parents could physically, internally or mentally abuse or hurting their children because they are parents? Making the children feel embarrassed of themselves in front of other with words in front of unknown people is righteous according to Quran and Sunnah? Children have no place in parents consideration because the power of forgiveness is in parents hand if children did something that hurts parents feeling while actually environment around them including the environment created by parents is the reason for the attitude of children? Children have no feeling? Aren't children too faithful brethren of parents? 

This is what I always mentioned as my disappointment in our Muslim community. As a revert from old ideology when I was in confusion, I feel so upset. When I try to talk to others to be aware about environment around, people's around feeling and thinking, I was misunderstood as a rebel and an ingrate. I always try to talk with manner proposed by Quran and Sunnah to others and I still avoid from parents to be shameful although they are the ones who makes me feel embarrassed of my self. 

What is so wrongggggg with us peopleee????????????!!!!!!! Now when I am feeling insulted, am I the one who is sinful to dad? I don't blame him nor anyone. I always pray for him to be forgiven by the Lord, how could I be a cruel son? I understand him and his situation, but I just had a quarrel with mum regarding dad's situation that she have to force dad to go to mosques while he can follow me to Tablighi Sulau closer to our house and nobody there knows him or me. I talked to her about the example of the situation that always happen in our life, my life, every child's life and it affects everything around. Can anyone around takes me or others as a lowly brother for himself or herself? Physically, I am a child to her, but in the soul I am her brother in faith. This is also a reason I don't like to perform obedience in a group especially with family but I encourage everyone into obedience. Because we know what will happen. Just perform everything step by step and we don't have to reform in a blink of eyes. I prefer to perform obedience without being known or seen. Not all of the people understand us. It is so tormenting, ya Allllaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I'm feeling my heart is burning, pierced with swords, and tied with thorns. My face burns down and I can't look at people face anymore after this. Now I understand how prophet Isa a.s feels when he has to face "the believer" at his time who were divided to the Pharisee and Sadducee. After noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w returns to Him, I feel that it becomes more like Isa a.s era as what had been told in the writings of the apostles of prophet Isa a.s.  

Please forgive my sins ya Allah forgive sins of my parents, my grandparents, my ancestors, my brothers and sisters in faith. I know I am your filthy sinful creature, that's why I receive all of these. But be merciful to me, I am weak, incapable of anything because I am only a low creature :'(         

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad, wa 'alaa aali Muhammad. Ka-maa sallaita 'alaa Ibraahim wa 'alaa aali Ibraahim. Allahumma baarik 'alaa Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad, ka-maa baarak-ta 'alaa Ibrahim wa 'alaa aali Ibraahim. Fi-l 'aalameena inna-ka hameedum-majeed. 10000 x 

Dear Lord please be in contact with our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family. As you had been in contact with our father Abraham and his family. Our Lord, please bless our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family. As you had blessed our father Abraham and his family. In the universe, You are the only One who is worth the praises and glory. 10000 x